Admit it, the position you are in is the one you chose.
It’s not easy having accountability for the life you are living. We often want to blame everyone else for our fate. It’s simple really. We make a choice, the choice causes a ripple, the ripple continues… often affecting others. The clichéd domino effect. We are responsible.
Often, based on the life we have lived, the behaviors modeled before us, the examples witnessed are what perpetuates our own characteristic traits. Their story becomes apart of our story. Connected. We often find ourselves amidst a situation we never intended to be apart of, swore would never be our way of life, and, yet, somehow, we are there… living in the lap of hypocrisy we cannot find a way out of.
The beauty? There is always a way out. You have a second chance. You owe no one a moral obligation if they are not worthy of your commitment. My brain & heart just cannot accept anyone is destined to be living a life of heartache because they are in a miserable marriage. There is such a thing as trying too hard. If adultery is a continuous occurrence, abuse (of any fashion) is felt, or your partner/spouse is evil (if this strikes a nerve within you, you know what I am referring to), you do NOT have to stay. You have to choose the path. You have to decide what you deserve, what you want your children to witness, & how you anticipate your destiny to unveil. You can either tell yourself you deserve to settle or you deserve better.
Divorce (or a break up) is hard. I cannot imagine anyone enters into a marriage thinking, “this is going to end in divorce.” Maybe there is a sense of doubt or fear… an intuition ignored… The intention, nonetheless, is to do right. Marrying for some is based on an obligation to do so. And, this is a HUGE reason why not to get married.
Why should we choose to get married? You marry someone because you cannot imagine life without them; they light up your world with goodness; they make you want to try harder in life; when you see them, every fiber of your being resonates peace; you feel as though you have come home. Sound too much like a fairytale? Then, you have probably lived a life of multiple generations not experiencing this way of life. You have to believe you deserve this blessing of genuine love. You have to tell yourself, “You are good enough.”
I have experienced divorce. My husband has also experienced divorce. Perhaps our first marriage experiences has us cherishing what we have even more. We learned from our accountability & enabling in those failed relationships. Some say we are still “new”. Well, I hope this “new”ness never wears off.
We are living a life, now, of genuine, respectable, committed love. We are celebrating four years of being together today. He courted me for three months prior. He became my friend. He asked my family permission to date me. On this day, four years ago, he took me on our first date to The Spot in Galveston, TX, where we ate messy, delicious hamburgers & had a few cold ones. He waited six hours before leaning in to kiss me that night. We became an item. Every opportunity we could be together we were all the while still respecting our time with our children. He was the first man my daughters ever met outside of their father in the fashion of dating. There was no one worthy enough of their time prior. He proposed eleven months later.
It was extravagant. He planned a Vegas trip the Monday after school let out. I was a teacher. He respected my work schedule & my time with my daughters. He planned it around their summer vacation schedule with their father, so it would not interfere with my time with them. He took me shopping, bought me new outfits to compliment his own we had just purchased a few days prior, sent me for a mani/pedi, recommended me to get my hair done, & had secretly planned every evening. Our first night in Vegas a limousine picked us up from the hotel chosen by him because his grandparents stayed there years ago. The chauffeur awaited us holding a long stem red rose & a bottle of champagne chilling. He drove us to a touring center with tour buses out front… and helicopters out back.
We entered a helicopter… just us two and the pilot. It was sunset. My favorite time of day. The time of day that reminds me of my husband: peaceful & complete. He proposed to me in that helicopter over Vegas at sunset. He placed a one-of-a-kind ring on my hand he took part in designing with Lewis Jewelers. Yellow diamonds donned the sides; my favorite color. He remembered & included details of me in his request to spend the rest of his life with me. I cried, kissed him, & cried some more when I said yes.
The limo took us & the bottle of champagne to dinner. We enjoyed the entirety of our vacation in bliss knowing we would marry. We married two and a half months later because we did not want to spend anymore time away from one another. And, I just wouldn’t allow myself to live with him with our three daughters watching us. I believed we had a choice to model better behavior for them. So, we did.
Our focus still today is what behavior we model for them as we blend our family. I believe the most important behavior we model for them is our relationship. How we treat one another is how they will grow to share a relationship one day. We are still evolving. We make mistakes. We are also accountable for these mistakes. We talk with our children & offer apologies when necessary. We often hear the teenagers say, “goals!” while they’re watching us. That is when we know we are doing something right.
We can all have bits of fairytales in our everyday, realistic, trying lives. We just have to choose to make time for the fairytale as well as what life we want to live & model for our children. As I stumbled upon this painted rock yesterday afternoon as my husband and I sat visiting with old friends we hadn’t spent time with in two years & are both randomly vacationing on the same cove of a huge lake, I was washed with the reminder of God’s great love. You see, life’s trying times is a reason we are all coming together again. God is winking on us with his vibrant symbolism of timing & call to us all to have faith in his will for “Thy Will” be done. Have FAITH my friends. And, remember to blendstrong.
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