Accountability, awareness, & acceptance has allowed me to be receptive to change, which brought the sunset (so to speak) to my life. It started with choosing to learn by reading some damn good books.
I am a firm believer in being accountable for the life we are living. Sure, you can cast blame on mistreatment from your spouse/partner & your obligation to stay for your children; fault your parents for the behavior they modeled and/or caustic environment they raised you in & still subject you to; and secretly despise your friends for being complacent & your commitment to remain in their stagnation… BUT, the hard truth is you lack absolute accountability & refuse to execute your free will. Besides, those are extreme, oh-woe-is-me, codependent manners in which one refuses to admit, “I deserve better!” Whereas I can blog all damn day, everyday, on the negative attributes others can & will have on you, I am actually going to refer you to the experts.
To shed a lil light for you to understand my intention- There is a reason you gravitate to the same personality disguised as parent, sibling, family, spouse/partner, & friend. To be more specific, you most likely cannot experience a personal event without them making it about them (when it truly has nothing to do with them), & you probably find yourself in long, drawn out texts, emails, phone calls, &/or conversations about how your event is (or isn’t) making them feel… Even more time consuming, they absorb your attention even more to express their discomfort on everyone else in their life living a life without them & how it makes them feel. You are exhausted just thinking about these past & potential conversations. Unfortunately, it is a magnetic draw you have allowed yourself to be molded after in a subconscious attempt to fix unresolved personal issues. The truth is, the only way to fix these issues is to arm yourself with accountability, knowledge, and possibly (unbiased) therapy.
I have a few libraries I refer to in hard copy, audible, & kindle. My top four picks are the ones I feel are essential in guiding you to rebuild your foundation to build yourself up for the life you deserve to live. Remember, your children are watching you everyday & are learning how to live by mimicking your modeled behavior. If you allow your spouse/partner, exspouse/expartner, parents, siblings, family, &/or friends to manipulate you into a complacent, codependent (& miserable) life, your children will, too. You want better for your kids. You should. If you lack personal motivation to expose yourself to a more independent, evolving, & aspiring mindset, then just look at your kids for a moment… feel that surge of love? Pick up one of these books for those beautiful babies. You have one life, & you want to have a genuinely good one… You absolutely want your children to have an even better one than you… Start today. Pick up one of these books, read on your device, &/or listen to while you do house work, yard work, drive, &/or are knocking out a task at work that allows you to listen to music (listen to a book instead).
For your convenience, I am providing a snapshot of the book covers as well an Amazon Prime link to streamline purchase.
1) Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. This is the first step. Forming boundaries. It is not easy because it pushes you outside your comfort zone. The only way to give space between you & demanding people in your life is by setting boundaries. Once you establish boundaries, the rest will fall into place & be easier to practice.
2) The Language of Letting Go Daily Meditations on Codependency by Melody Beattie. When a way of life is second nature due to upbringing, friends gravitated towards, & partners/spouses chosen, it feels near an atrocity to break the cycle. You need to accept it is ok to stop a pattern & choose better for you (& your children). It also takes time (years even). This daily dose of encouragement & mindset adaptation is refreshing for the needed push to keep you on track to choose better.
3) Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist How to End the Drama and Get on With Your Life by Margalis Fjelstad. Dealing with unresolved issues, or not dealing with rather, leads you to perpetuate the scenario over and over again through parents, siblings, family, friends, & partners/spouses. It is not your job to take care of a person who chooses to not take care of themselves. You have to take care of you first. This book truly sheds light on obvious behaviors that help you relate, accept, & start putting space in between you.
4) How to Solve Your People Problems Dealing With Your Difficult Relationships by Dr. Alan Godwin. Once you have established the ability to decipher between your healthy & hurtful relationships, you are more equipped to be receptive to your accountability in these relationships. For assistance on how to handle the more difficult relationships in your life, this book offers scenarios, outcomes, coping mechanisms & strategies, & better outcomes when applied. There is growth in accepting you just may be the difficult end of the relationship. Accept the hard truths about yourself & make changes to maintain & cherish your loved ones.
Find excitement in the journey ahead. It will be a bit more tough at the start because you are admitting hard truths, owning accountability, & choosing you (& your children) over them. The perk is some of your loved ones will follow your choice to make a change, which is better for everyone.
The heart of a family choosing to blendstrong, is one who chooses to evolve their mindset.