miscarriage revisit, part 3

miscarriage revisit

a reflection to heal.

part 3.

No, I am not picking up where I left off on part 2.

(first, part 1, & part 2 can all be found at the bottom of this page as well as on my homepage where my articles are listed in descending order)

An interruption, if you will…

When your Momma hides a precious (& much needed) gift in the diaper bag… & you find it the next morning as you ready the bag for your baby to spend a few hours with her, again…

You pause when you see the card & the gift… You know – in an instant – what reason the gift is to symbolize…

You take a deep breath…

You set it all aside…

You finish readying everything to go… Because you know emotions very much will derail your train of thought…

Then, you pause to open it all…

The card first…

You slowly unseal the envelope… Remove the card…

Take in the words…

The gulp rises in your throat at each word…

Your eyes start to fill up…

You open the card to continue…

The right side first to finish the card author’s thought…

The left side next to soak in your Momma’s words of comfort…

Eyes full of water… resolve broken… tears begin to fall…

You take a moment to let the tears become a cry…

A vulnerable cry as you mourn the loss of the baby you so wanted… A baby you lost in the first trimester…

More so, the last (& fleeting moment) of a hope to have five babies exhausted…

No rainbow baby for you… To help you heal…

Your path to add another child to your crew has ceased to exist with this loss.

You brave the bag… You see the box peeking through… You know the logo… It’s the only knick-knackety trinket brand you love… You know this is going to bring out the release…

You struggle with the box… You pause to set down your 16-month-old baby who has been patting you as you cry & softly saying your name (so innate love & empathy truly is (why does the adult world lack it so))…

As you reveal the lil statue… You crumble… Your soft cries are a lil louder…

You let yourself cry… You cradle the lil figure close to your bosom…

This token of acknowledgment… This representation of a heartbreaking loss… This permission to allow you to grieve… This honor of a baby…

There is no need for another token from anyone else.

A baby lost 15 weeks prior… Godwinked me to open it exactly 15 weeks to the day…

My baby… To my angel baby in heaven, I love you.

I allowed myself closure yesterday.

‘Til I am able to write on the subject of miscarriage again…

#blendstrong

~ddwa

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“Keepsake” figurine by Willow Tree can be found at-

https://www.hallmark.com/gifts/home-decor/figurines/willow-tree-heart-of-gold-keepsake-figurine-26132.html?mc=t_s_hr_Google+Adwords_PLA+-+Gifts+-+Product+Specific+-+G+-+OCE_&s_kwcid=AL!5392!3!254028330864!!!g!417024905479!&ef_id=WbnbUQAABZRSZORK:20180909144354:s

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