A Year’s Worth of Healing

A year ago this weekend, we lost our baby to a miscarriage. By standard week count we were seven-and-a-half to eight weeks along, but we knew by conception, we were five-and-a-half to six weeks along. In this midst of a birthday celebration weekend for our second child (my first born), my husband & I were quietly suffering together. As we were transitioning from the end of her slumber party to framily – family & friends – arriving to continue celebrating her life, we sent the following message prior to their arrival:

Hello sweet family. Rather than personal phone calls just before the birthday celebration, we want to share the news as quickly as possible. We just explained the details to our girls in between Marina’s parties, so now we are informing you. Donald rushed me to the ER yesterday morning around 530. I was bleeding. The blood tests & urine results measured hormone levels of a 6 weeks pregnancy. The 2 ultrasounds (external & vaginal) measured 5 1/2-6 weeks pregnancy, however, they could not gain a heartbeat. The Dr’s could not provide us conclusive answers as heartbeats are not always measurable at this point. They released me to home with instructions for self care under Donald’s supervision & to maintain my appt Tuesday with my ob/gyn. After yesterday, last night, & this morning, it is apparent we have lost the baby. I will still see my ob/gyn Tues. We are exceptionally confused & hurt, but we believe in God’s plan. Being so carefree with the pregnancy announcement is not in my normal nature at this point in my life, but I had truly believed this was a miracle I was so exited to share. I am sorry for that. With four beautiful girls, we cannot deny our abundant blessings already & are trying to not be selfish in our pain, yet it is hard. We believe in the power of our family’s love & support & want to share the news before we see you, so we do not diminish Marina’s birthday party by having to break the news one by one today. We all will welcome your hugs & prayers during this time. 💗

The love & support our framily showered upon us this last year enables us to overcome the most difficult & heartbreaking experience of our marriage thus far. Whereas I will not be able to fathomably understand “the why” behind our loss, I truly gained a sense of enlightenment of the importance of our fragile life. I have reacquainted myself with my more empathetic side & allow my tears to fall more freely, my reactions are less drastic, my decisions are more methodical & logical, & my passion to be the best me has been reignited. More so, I have relished in the simple blessing of a devoted & loving husband. With him, we share an abundantly precious life raising four beautiful, strong, & most importantly, kind daughters. There are plenty of days where I realize- our daughters need us, & God knew.

To any family experiencing this heartache, tomorrow will arrive, & your life will be more beautiful despite the loss.

To our little baby, I love you & will hold you someday.

#blendstrong

~ddwa

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